Julia Rorke & Elysia Hall

Not Another F**ked B**** In India

The Coopers Malthouse - Shell Room

You think you’re gonna go to India and rectify your soul... You think that if you do the splits on a Buddha in Delhi, then suddenly your genitals will be enlightened and you'll menstruate wisdom. Youz think going to Coogee Pav and then Byron Bay and then last stop India is going to cure you of your emptiness. You think doing 100 hours of yoga training for the purpose of getting hot, under the guise of wanting to become a yoga teacher, thinking that you are capable of being a yoga teacher, when actually you would be a crap yoga teacher, is going to fix your self-hatred. You think going to India and buying 100 saris and starting a business of selling ethically sourced free trade kimonos when you get home is going to cure you of being a crap person (maybe you're not even aware you're a crap person, but that's how crap you are).

So, you go to India to be thankful, thankful for Stella McCartney, for your Laser Hair Removal, for your Kookaburra Milk Piccolo lattes, for your amazing boyfriend who somehow managed to not cheat on you the whole week you were away. Well think again dickheads, the gratitude only lasts as long as the henna you stupid s***. Have you been to India? Well you can get this one right India.

"WOW after seeing this show I realised my 97 consecutive photos of the sunset with the sari and vegan smoothie bowl were all f***ing pointless and didn't make me feel better about anything at all I just realised I was actually an idiot and wasting my time and my life which I only have one of and maybe I should read a f***ing book or give someone I love a call. Who do I love? Why am I vegan but? If I didn't take a pikky and gram it did it actually happen? If I don't take a pikky and gram it DO I EVEN EXIST!??!?!?!?!?? MUM HELP!!!!!!!AKA I feel transformed: definitely a must see." 17 STARS—SMH/ Syd location-free-insta-blogger-bitch (not a career loser)

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