Michael Chamberlin

I Think I Might Like To Be A Dictator

Mantra on Russell - Mantra Two

Winner Piece of Wood Award 2002 Melbourne International Comedy Festival

Nominee Comedy Award 2017 FRINGE WORLD

Let’s face it, the world is a mess. Politicians can't seem to politician very well, the rich use the poor as their very own toilet, oh… and let’s not forget the world is melting!

At this stage, it seems more likely the polar bears are going to save us rather than we save them. So as a mildly successful comedian and writer, I’m putting my hand up to lead. I think I might like to be a dictator. 

I just figure if you’re an elected politician, you have to at least pretend to try. If you’re a dictator, people expect you to run shit into the ground. I’ll put it this way, when you live under a dictatorship, people don’t expect to get their bond back. 

Obviously, there are so many perks to the job.  You get Yes men. Who wouldn’t want Yes Men? You get a golden gun. They always have a golden gun. They always seem to be eating an exotic fruit like a guava. You get to make crazy laws. In North Korea, you’re only allowed about ten different type of haircuts. Now is that the work of a despot or is that a dude who woke up on a Tuesday and said, "You know what would be really funny?"
 
The downside of being a dictator – it doesn’t usually end well. It’s never "he passed away peacefully, surrounded by family and friends".
It’s more "his lifeless body was dragged through the streets by an angry mob while they hit him with their shoes…" Please don’t hit me with your shoes. And look, every now and then, I’d have to send people into a pit of bears – but only the bad people. Only the people who deserve it. 
 
For example, anyone who says "Winner, winner, chicken dinner".
To the Bears!
Anyone who puts their seat back on a plane.
To the Bears!
People who walk three abreast on the footpath. 
To the Bears!
Any man who calls his wife, "The Missus".
To the Bears!
If you have a group of male friends that you call "The Boys".
To the Bears!
If you say, "I’m really interested in American politics".
To the Bears!
Oh really, you’re interested in the most interesting political system in the entire world?
Double Bears! Double Bears!
If you pierce your baby’s ears.
To the Bears!
If you lean your head to the side and ask, "Are you OK?" when you know full well, you’re the reason why I’m not OK.
To the Bears!
If you’re really into Australia Day. 
To the Bears!
If you’re over 30 and still skateboard.
To the Bears!
That’s my manifesto.

Please vote for me once and then never again.

'Seamless, ★★★★' Herald Sun

'★★★★' Adelaide Advertiser

'You enter his world with confidence that what he sees is worth sharing.' Herald Sun

'Carefully crafted stories and high-energy delivery.' Beat Magazine

'Applauding at its hilarity.' Crikey

'He summons applause and much laughter.' Beat Magazine

'A keen showman, someone who has spent years honing his stand up and getting in the best lines.' Time Out

No Performances